I wish you could order shots online.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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