Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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