Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
