i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
