Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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