Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
