Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
