Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
