So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
