You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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