her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
