I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
