these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
