so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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