it's too hot outside to masturbate.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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