I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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