PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
