The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
