Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
