She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
