The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
