he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
