You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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