I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
