Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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