I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
