Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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