96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
