Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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