Cold hands, warm shart.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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