i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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