My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
