dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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