I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You may now shotgun with the bride
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
