you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
