Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
