fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
