i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
