Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
