I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
