There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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