Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
