he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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