Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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