woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
