three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
