I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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