I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
