Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
