So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
