You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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