He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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