You work out of a Hotel?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
