Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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