So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there's paper in my vomit.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
