Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
