Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
