So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
