he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
