Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
