its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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