i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
