Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
