I'm lost and stupid without you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
