My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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