I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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