Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
