Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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