She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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