is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
