im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
