I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
