im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't make out with my wife yet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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