i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
